


five seconds

by forestjoshua



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fix-It, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Pining, Pining Steve Rogers, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-02 08:12:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18807217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forestjoshua/pseuds/forestjoshua
Summary: He's where he's meant to be. At Tony Stark’s doorstep, ready to be home and stay home.--Steve has five seconds. Five seconds that he wants to spend with Tony.





	five seconds

_Five seconds._

Bruce's words ring in Steve's ears as he stands outside Peggy's house. The day is lovely, the sun is shining and a cheerful group of children is riding their bikes past Steve, their clear and innocent voices laughing.

Steve cannot stop the steady flow of tears running down his face. He doesn't know why exactly he is crying: if it's because of Peggy or because of…

Well.

Even thinking of _him_ , seeing those bright brown eyes flash in his mind, seeing the light in them disappear, makes Steve's heart clench painfully.

Soon, he can't stand up anymore, collapsing on the curb. The suppressed sobs strangle his throat. Steve wipes is face, the snot mingling with the tears.

They had won but Steve had _lost._

This is where he finally breaks down. When Tony had been taken from him, he had wanted to scream, to rave, but instead he had went on. Numb.

Now, all the infinity stones, plus Mjörnir, rest in their right times and places. Steve has completed his mission, the only thing he has left to do is to go home.

_Five seconds._

Go to the world without Tony Stark.

Steve doesn't have a home. Not anymore.

In this world, Tony Stark hasn't born yet. In this world, Steve Rogers has a breakdown in front of the house of the woman he had once been in love with, not ready to face his own harsh reality.

Peggy had suspected. Peggy had listened. Peggy had believed.

Of course she had. Time travel wasn't a hard concept to wrap one's head around for a woman who had been there to witness the creation of Captain America.

When Steve had seen her during their little side-quest in the 70s, he had wondered. Peggy had been as beautiful as ever – ethereal, but Steve had only felt a feeble tickle of nostalgia when he had silently watched her. He wondered – what could have been, wondered if Peggy would've accepted that Steve had fallen for another in the end.

She had. Steve knew she had gotten married, had had children. As she should have, as was her right. To move on. Be happy.

And so was Steve’s. But he had lost that – years ago. And now, the last flicker of hope had died.

Those moments in the 70s, when he had gotten to be with Tony alone, had been the last happy moments of his life.

”You're not my Steve. I can tell that – you look older. You look like you've lost a part of yourself. But you're Steve. Tell me, what happened?”

Steve had looked into Peggy's fierce eyes and found himself not holding back.

”I thought you were my only chance,” he said, ”Then I had another. I screwed it up. And I lost him, for good.” His voice broke, then. ”Peggy, I lost him. He's _gone._ ”

Peggy opened her mouth, once, twice. Her eyes glistened, that beautiful face twisted in the expression of sympathy and heartbreak for Steve. She was at loss of words.

”Oh, Steve,” she finally said, ”I'm sorry. Do you… Do you want to talk about him?”

No. Steve couldn't. Even thinking about his name or his otherworldly beautiful face was too painful. Yet, Steve couldn’t stop. Tony wouldn't leave him alone.

But saying what he felt to Peggy – that would've been too much.

With a snap of his fingers, Tony had turned Thanos and his army to dust.

Steve's heart had gone, as well.

”I- I promised you a dance. We never got that,” Steve said to Peggy to steer the subject away from Tony. His voice was rough. He didn't sound like himself.

Peggy understood. With a pained smile, she got up and walked over to the record machine to put on some music.

They danced.

”You can't stay,” Peggy whispered as the song came to its end.

 _I know,_ Steve thought.

Peggy was crying silently. Steve hated that he did that to her: went into the ice and came back as a different man, told her he loved another.

And left her.

As he runs his thumb over the time GPS, he doesn’t know what to do.

_Five seconds._

The terrifying truth hits him. Steve is far from ready for those five seconds to be up yet.

 

\--

 

He jumps all around time. Truly becomes the man out of time.

Yet, he is a coward.

The five seconds haunt him. _Tony_ haunts him.

Until one day, Steve finds himself standing at the shore of the Potomac River, the same shore he had once lain unconscious on.

Bucky stands in front of him, staring at the other Steve on the shore. Steve doesn't have much time. He knows he has a chance here and the chance requires a sacrifice.

But Steve is ready to sacrifice himself.

Steve watches Bucky walk into the woods. He’ll deal with Bucky later because right now, he yearns for something else.

Steve knows he's being selfish. He knows Sam and another Bucky are waiting for him, five seconds away. He knows _this_ Bucky is going to have to run for his life with barely any rest.

He knows _this_ Steve loves Tony. Has yet to realize how much, is confused.

Now or never. _Five seconds._

Steve deals with his doppelgänger.

Wearing the other Steve's uniform, he leaves, glancing back at the river, knowing he had just let Captain America die.

 

\--

 

Natasha Romanoff is an observant person, so naturally, she sees something is off with Steve. Steve feels her pale eyes bore into him, analyzing him. Steve thanks whatever power there might be for his good memory, so he doesn't appear too suspicious to her.

”You look like you've aged _years,”_ Natasha comments. Steve has to use all his willpower not to crush her into a tight hug. Although not the same, she's still _Natasha._ Natasha, who deserved to live, to have her happy ending with her team – her _family_. Natasha, who gave her life to save the universe. Just like Tony.

_Tony._

”Steve?” Nat asks. She sounds worried. She was always such a good friend.

 _Is._ She's alive.

”Rough mission,” Steve says quietly.

Throwing one last scrutinizing look at Steve, Natasha lets it go. Probably thinks he's thinking about Bucky, but Steve's mind chants _Tony Tony Tony._

”Where are you heading after this?” Natasha asks.

” _Home,”_ Steve automatically answers, without a thought.

”Home?” Natasha repeats, confused. ”What exactly is home to you? That miserable apartment of yours?”

For once, it isn't Bruce's voice saying ”five seconds” in the back of his head. It's Tony's voice, promising all his teammates they were always welcome to come live in the tower.

”I'm going to New York,” says Steve turning to Natasha. Something flashes in Natasha's eyes – surprise followed by realization – and then, her mouth turns into a knowing smirk. Gosh, Steve has missed that.

Natasha nods and Steve catches her mouthing to herself, ”Of course.”

 

\--

 

The first time he considers spilling it all is when he talks with Fury at the cemetery.

He thinks of Carol then, the ally he had barely known, and her unquestionable loyalty to Fury. Their friendship that made Fury seem like a completely different person.

He thinks of the power Carol holds.

There are things coming. Ultron. The accords. Destruction of Asgard. Wakanda. And Thanos. They all seem like domino pieces, tumbling over each other until they reach the worst possible outcome.

Tony. Six feet under.

Steve shudders, listening to Fury talking. He wonders how much he should intervene, how peaceful he should make this timeline. Ultron is a start and Steve knows it cannot happen again. That leads to the accords and that leads to the rift between him and Tony. Steve wants to keep Tony.

He knows he needs to tell Tony about how his parents died. The sooner the better. But should he warn Thor about Loki soon ruling Asgard in disguise, T'Challa about his cousin wanting to take over Wakanda? Perhaps he should, but Steve has no idea how to contact the men.

And Thanos. Thanos definitely cannot happen again. Just the thought of seeing that ugly purple face makes Steve nauseous.

Thanos isn't their problem. Thanos is the problem of the entire universe. There are three infinity stones on Earth. Three too much.

”Rogers? Are you listening to me? Why have you gone all pale?” Fury asks, crossing his arms across his chest.

Steve thinks of that group of misfits from space, swearing to protect others. He thinks of them standing together at Tony's funeral. A lump forms in Steve's throat.

He thinks of Carol Danvers, again, how she'd held against Thanos and the infinity stones whereas Steve couldn't.

He thinks of the future that cannot happen.

”Rogers?” Fury exclaims.

”I need to talk to you,” Steve says to him solemnly. Steve can see Fury's eye swift behind his glasses.

”Aren't we talking now?” he huffs.

”About Carol Danvers,” Steve adds.

”Motherf-,” says Fury.

 

\--

 

After that, Steve goes home.

The threat isn't over and it had been hard for Steve to remain vague enough, to not to reveal the truth to anyone. If Fury had found out, he'd for sure made sure that Steve returned to where he came from.

Five seconds into the future.

Instead, Fury had ran off to consult Carol Danvers. And maybe she could find the Guardians and Thor should go with them, and they could deal with Thanos, _in space,_ while Steve goes home.

It feels like he's just sweeping it under the rug, but he just _can't._ Can't face Thanos again. Can't let Tony face him.

He appears at the tower one evening, exhausted, but content that he has made it. Through space and time, hiding from Asgardian guards, from SHIELD/HYDRA agents, from his own doppelgängers. Having to face Red Skull again. Getting that dance with his girl.

And now, he's where he's meant to be. At Tony Stark’s doorstep, ready to be home and _stay_ home.

An inkling of worry bothers him as he hesitantly enters the tower. But then, Vision's – no – Jarvis's voices comes,

”Welcome, Captain Rogers. Are you alright after your mission in D.C.?”

The A.I. doesn’t suspect a thing, which at the same time soothes and worries Steve.

”Thank you, Jarvis. I'm just tired,” he replies.

”You'll find your quarters ready for you. I've informed Sir of your presence. How long do you plan on staying?”

_Forever._

”Where _is_ Tony, Jarvis?” Steve asks softly. His heart pangs as he stands in the darkness, knowing Tony is just in his reach.

_And five seconds later…_

”Sir is in his workshop, Captain Rogers.”

Wasting no time, Steve is on his way. He half-jogs to Tony and his breath is caught in his throat as he sees _him_ through the glass.

He doesn't know what Tony's working on, head bowed, lips moving as he talks to Dum-E. Steve can do nothing but stand there, looking, looking at the love he lost and the chance he has.

Jarvis must alert Tony of Steve's presence, as Tony is suddenly looking up, eyes locking with Steve's.

All Steve's energy goes into preventing himself from breaking down. He puts his shaking hands behind his back, trying to breathe normally. Tony looks confused. He looks younger – he _is_ younger, this is almost ten years ago – and beautiful, always so beautiful.

When the door opens, Steve runs. Tony looks startled, baffled, and the look on his face makes Steve slow down.

”Rogers, what are you doing here?” Tony asks.

_His voice._

Steve throws his arms around him, wishing he could bury his face in Tony's neck, bury _himself_ in Tony. But Tony is tense in his arms and Steve has to soon let go.

He looks into those warm brown eyes and sheepishly mutters, ”Sorry.”

”Alright, Rogers. Um,” Tony says, clearly not knowing how to react. Steve is still sort-of holding him, hands hovering over Tony's waist. Steve knows this is perhaps out of character from him. In this time, he had been falling, but hadn't known how to be around Tony. Tony definitely had no clue.

Steve doesn't know if Tony’s ever going to feel the same Steve feels. It doesn't matter: Steve takes what he can get. Tony – warm and alive, heart beating. Holding him in his arms had felt heavenly. If that’s what he's going to get, he'd work with that.

”Everything alright, Rogers?” Tony asks. Steve can't stop looking at him; like he's his everything. He is. ”Why are you looking at me all funny?”

 _Oh, darling,_ Steve thinks.

In confusion, Tony scrubs his face as if something was wrong with him. There's nothing wrong with him. He's perfect to Steve. Tony being merely alive makes him perfect to Steve.

”Everything’s fine.” Steve tries to smile. He thinks his facial muscles have forgotten how to smile but then, he can't help it. Slowly, they start to work. _Tony._ ”Everything’s fine, now. Just… been having a rough time. It's alright, now.”

Still not quite convinced, Tony asks next, ”What do you want?”

_You._

”Nothing. Just good to be home, I guess,” Steve sighs. Laughs. He wants to scoop Tony up in his arms and…

”Home?”

”I've come to stay.”

”For how long? Until you find yourself your own place?” Tony's fingers fiddle with a tool. Steve wants to take those fingers and kiss them. He wants…

He wants.

”I'm staying as long as you’ll have me,” Steve declares.

_For five seconds._

And that – that makes Tony a little taken aback. He looks at Steve and there's wonder in his eyes. ”Well, I'm not kicking you out any time soon, so…”

”Good,” Steve breathes. He picks up his backpack from the floor. ”I'm going to swing by my quarters to drop off my stuff. What's for dinner?”

”What?”

”I asked: What's for dinner?”

Again, Tony is looking at Steve like he's lost his mind. He scratches the back of his neck. ”Um, haven't thought of dinner, actually.”

Steve, knowing Tony's habits of spending hours in the workshop without eating, states, ”Tony, you have to eat. See you in the kitchen in a minute or two?”

_See you in five seconds._

Tony still looks slightly dazed, but softly replies, ”Okay.” So softly Steve can barely hear it.

He's going to take care of Tony. Nothing bad will ever happen to him again.

 

\--

 

Steve is in the lounge, reading news, some of which he remembers, some of which he doesn't, when Pepper walks in. Steve recognizes the pattern of her heels clicking before he even sees her.

Tensing up, Steve slowly turns to glance at her.

”Cap- Steve?” Pepper says, genuinely surprised. ”Hi, what are you doing here?”

”I live here,” Steve says, a little awkwardly.

”Oh,” Pepper says, ”Well, of course. It's nice. Nice that he doesn't have to live alone anymore.”

”Yes,” Steve softly agrees. He know that as of now, Tony and Pepper are broken up. Steve remembers their relationship was on-off for years until they finally worked it out.

As Pepper walks away to find Tony, Steve stares after her. If he wants to have Tony, he needs to sweep in soon.

He thinks of Pepper, the mourning brave widow in the future. Pepper fighting in the Rescue armor. And little Morgan, bright-eyed child who had always called him Uncle Steve. Little Morgan who'd have to grow up without her father, who had loved her more than anything.

_Five seconds. Five seconds – and you can be there for her. Watch over her for her father._

”Cap? Rogers?” Tony's voice. Sometimes, hearing Tony's voice still takes him by surprise. Tony throws himself next to Steve on the couch, raising his eyebrows at Steve.

Not knowing how long Steve has just sat there, wallowing in the misery of the past/future, Steve snaps out of it, offering an apologetic smile to Tony.

”Steve,” he says, ”Please, call me Steve.”

”Steve,” Tony repeats, ”You alright there?”

Tony's hand is placed on the couch, those beautiful calloused fingers that work miracles tapping the cushion. Steve wants to hold that hand, but he can't. He's left wanting.

”Absolutely fine,” Steve brushes it off, ”What did Pepper want?”

”Just for me to sign some things,” answers Tony with a wave of his hand.

 _Alone,_ had Pepper said. Tony has lived alone in the tower.

Alone. Lonely. One letter away from lovely.

So lovely.

”The others- They don't come here?” Steve asks quietly.

”What do you mean?” Tony says.

”The other members of the team. The don't come here, do they? They don't live here, even though you promised to take them in?” Steve rambles. He knows Clint has a reason, his secret still unknown to everyone except Nat. Thor, too, has his own family, but there’s still Nat and Bruce… And Steve. Steve regrets he didn't go to Tony when he had the change. He's going to fix that, now.

”It's fine,” Tony says, his smile a little broken. ”I mean, Bruce comes to stay sometimes, quite often, actually. And Thor swung by just last week. Hilarious guy.”

Steve recalls the broken state Thor had been in after Thanos and swallows thickly. Maybe Thor should have returned the stones. He had deserved a second chance.

Steve hates his own selfishness.

”Barton… I don't know. And I think you know better where Natasha is, don't you?”

Steve stays silent. He actually has no idea where Nat is right now. He ought to text her.

”But you're here,” Tony continues quietly, looking at his hands. The tone of his voice sounds wondrous and Steve's heart skips a beat.

Placing his hand on Tony's arm, squeezing it reassuringly, Steve says, ”I'm here.”

_I'm here and you're here and I'm never going to leave you._

\--

 

_This is what you could've had years ago. Why did you throw it away?_

That's what Steve thinks as he sits opposite to Tony, eating breakfast, listening to Tony telling anecdotes about him and Rhodey. Steve is blissfully happy, looking at Tony talking animatedly, so _alive._

He could've live in the tower for years, be with Tony, fall deeper and deeper in love. Steve thinks about the other Steve Rogers on the bottom of the Potomac River and hates him.

It all feels natural to Steve, to live and be with Tony. Them alone together in the tower, watching movies, cooking, Steve listening to the music Tony plays him. Steve talking to Tony about Bucky, Peggy, Sam. Sharing his life with him. Tony is a good listener, attentive, those gorgeous brown eyes always sharp and understanding.

There's only one thing Steve cannot tell to Tony, besides the grim future that doesn't even exist in this place and time – not if Steve can do something about it.

Every time Steve tries to say it –   _HYDRA brainwashed my best friend and made him murder your parents –_ the words get stuck in his throat, trying to choke him.

Time ticks by. The five seconds could be up any moment, but Steve consciously forgets about them. Of course, the future still worries him. The only comfort and hope he has is that Fury has contacted him, informing him that Carol Danvers is looking into Thanos – it doesn't look good. Next time Thor swings by tower, Steve needs to send him Fury's way.

Steve’s broken out of his thoughts when Tony smiles at him, his whole face shining with utter joy. Steve finds himself thinking, _I don't want to ruin this._

He stays quiet. All the time.

And pines.

Right now, he's wondering, how would Tony react if Steve reached over with his foot and ran it up and down Tony's shin.

The truth is – Steve has completely entwined himself with Tony. The world he came from fades into the background. Just a nightmare, a nightmare he wakes up from almost every week, Tony's name on his lips, the image of his charred body underneath Steve's eyelids.

Just a nightmare, not real. Tony is here. Tony's heart beats and Steve can even pretend it's for him.

One evening, Natasha arrives at the tower, unannounced. It's a quiet calm evening. Steve likes those evenings, the two of them retreated in the workshop, Tony's music playing in low volume so that they can still talk if they want to. Sometimes they don't, which is fine.

Tony is working on improving Sam's wings and Steve – Steve draws. That’s almost all he does. What he draws, well. He could fill hundreds of sketchbooks with only pictures of Tony. He draws other people, other things, too, but he always comes back to Tony.

”Sir, Agent Romanoff has just entered the building,” Jarvis announces.

Nat has cut her hair. That’s the first thing Steve notices as she struts towards them. It’s still bright red, but reaches her chin now.

”Natasha. What brings you here?” Tony asks, turning on his chair, his face breaking into a welcoming smile. Brightening up Steve's whole world.

Natasha glances at Steve.

”Actually, I need to speak to him,” Natasha says.

Steve puts away the sketchbook, hating the way Tony's smile stiffens on his face. Natasha notices that too, shuffling her feet awkwardly. ”But I can stay for a couple of days,” she hastily adds.

”Forget about it,” Tony mutters, already barging out of the room. ”By all means, talk to him. Let Jarvis know when I can come back to my workshop.”

With longing, Steve stares after Tony. Natasha sighs, ”Well, that was awkward.”

”What do you want?” Steve asks, crossing his arms. It's _Nat,_ but Steve wishes she'd realize sooner how lonely Tony has been. How much he needs the team.

”Jeeze, alright. I just came to tell you Barnes has been sighted in Europe,” Natasha says, hopping to sit on an empty table in front of Steve.

”And?” Steve says. He has forgotten that at the time, Bucky had been Steve's priority. It all has changed. Steve can't look after Tony _and_ search for Bucky at the same time.

Natasha squints at Steve, a little too long for Steve's comfort. ”I thought you and Sam were going to look for him?”

”Yes. But I'm occupied now,” Steve explains, spreading his arms. He knows they don't catch Bucky for a long time – and when they do, it's at the worst possible moment.

”Occupied? With Stark?” Natasha says. Steve stares into her incredulous face. _She's dead. Tony’s dead. What are you doing?_

But it's not the first time Steve has chased dead things.

”Sam has promised to look for him,” Steve says. _Selfish selfish selfish, I'm selfish._

Noticing how keenly Steve is looking at the door through which Tony left, Natasha offers, ”I can go with him. If you are… occupied.”

”Thank you, Nat,” Steve says, ”I would go, but…”

”Tony,” Natasha says, sounding understanding for the first time. She smiles. Steve remembers the tears he shed for her.

”Tony,” Steve whispers.

”We'll deal with Barnes. Don't worry,” Natasha reassures Steve, pats his arm. ”But I have to tell you, I never saw you and Stark coming. Who are you and what have you done to Steve Rogers?”

Humorlessly, Steve laughs.

_What have you done…_

How would she react if she knew the truth?

\--

 

When Nat has gone to her room, Steve takes a shower and returns to the workshop where he finds Tony working as hard as ever, quietly muttering things to the bots.

”Oh. You're back. Here to pick up your sketchbook?” Tony says, voice flat.

”Tony,” Steve says solemnly. He can't hold it anymore. Tony needs to know the truth about his parents and Bucky.

Tony hands Steve the sketchbook, face twitching in something that barely resembles a smile. Gently, Steve takes the book, fingers brushing Tony's. When Tony turns away, Steve catches him by his sleeve.

Squaring his shoulders, Tony stops.

Steve exhales and speaks, ”I need to talk to you.”

And suddenly, Tony is leaning forward, holding himself up against the table. His shoulders shake, Steve can practically sense his heartrate going up.

”Tony,” Steve whispers, his whole presence full to the brim with worry.

”You're leaving, aren't you,” Tony says, clearly trying to hold back the tremor creeping into his voice.

”What- No,” Steve instantly huffs out. ”No, I’m not,” he adds, as vehemently as he can.

”You don't have to lie to me, Rogers,” Tony says, his usually warm-toned voice cold as ice. When he turns back around to face Steve, his eyes look defeated and lightless.

 _Rogers._ That one hurt. That one would always hurt.

”I'm not lying. And I'm not going anywhere,” Steve says. He wants to grab Tony and pull him against him, kiss his hair and make him believe he's wanted.

”But you are,” Tony states. A bead of sweat trickles down his temple. ”Aren't you? You're leaving with Natasha to chase your old buddy.”

”Nat is going, but I'm staying here. With you,” Steve replies, desperate for Tony to know.

”Don't tell me you'll come back,” Tony scoffs, ”I know you won't. Why would you?”

”Tony, are you even listening to me?” Steve says, taking a stride forward. He raises his hands, places them so gently on Tony's cheeks, caressing the paled skin with his thumbs, the touch feather-light.

Tony doesn't seem to even see him.

”You're leaving,” he keeps repeating.

”No.”

”Don't leave me,” Tony says next, collapsing against Steve. ”I like you here. Don't leave me.”

Steve envelops Tony in his arms, hushing him as he whimpers softly. ”I won't,” he assures Tony, thumb stroking the nape of Tony's neck, feeling the soft baby hairs there. Tony is shivering, pressing his face onto Steve's shoulder. ”Tony, don't think for a second I'm leaving you. Yes, Bucky has to be dealt with, but Natasha and Sam are going to handle it. I think it's better that way, in any case. I want to stay here with you. I _need_ to stay here with you.”

”Don't leave,” Tony just whispers.

”I won't, sweetheart. I won't,” Steve replies, hugging him tighter, pressing his face into Tony's hair.

Tony doesn't react to the affectionate nickname that escapes from Steve's lips. He only shivers in Steve's embrace, clutching Steve's shirt.

And Steve holds him as long as he needs, in sheer silence. It's a long time.

 

\--

 

The morning comes, and Tony barges into the kitchen where the early birds, Steve and Natasha, already sit.

As if nothing happened last night.

As if Steve didn't half-carry him into his bedroom, constantly assuring Tony that he wasn't leaving.

Tony seems genuinely surprised to see Natasha.

”Ah, Agent Romanoff!” he says, making a beeline to the coffeemaker. ”You decided to stick around.”

”Yes,” Natasha says, leaning back on her chair. Every time Steve hears her speak, he thinks of her last words to them. _See you in a minute._

Which brings him back to the five seconds that slowly crawl by.

Steve pushes the thoughts away.

”Sam won't be here till Tuesday, so I have a couple of days to kill,” Natasha continues speaking.

”Huh,” says Tony. He looks like he hasn't have a good night's sleep, even though he had been dozing off when Steve had left the room, brushing his lips lightly against Tony's forehead, barely getting to feel the heat of his skin. ”Well, Natasha, if you want a better mattress or a bigger room that can be arranged. I mean, you can switch with Thor or maybe not, he's going to throw a tantrum because he's used to everything grandeur and getting what he wants…”

”Tony,” Natasha interrupts his rambling, ”It's alright. Everything is perfect.” There's a smile on her face as she looks at Tony, something like fondness sparkling in her eyes. She hops off of her chair, informing them, ”I'm heading to the gym now.”

”Anything you need, let me know!” Tony shouts after her.

That leaves the two of them alone in the kitchen.

Tony sips his coffee. For a long moment, silence presses around them. Steve is just about to resort to talking about the weather, _anything,_ when Tony suddenly huffs, ”What's the deal with you, Rogers?”

There's that again. _Rogers_.

_Don't bullshit me, Rogers. Did you know?_

The words from a different time echo inside Steve's head.

 _You were supposed to tell him,_ Steve thinks to himself, _but you're a coward._

Maybe Tony would start to hate him again. That would serve Steve right, messing with time, with Tony's life.

”Tony, I don't know what you're talking about,” Steve says.

”Oh, really?” Tony shoots back sharply, placing his coffee on the counter. ”No offence, but what are you even doing here? I know, I told you you'd be welcome here – all of you, but after two years… Why now? What are you doing here? Why aren't you clinging to your past, chasing that Bucky guy? What do you _have_ here?”

”You,” Steve blurts out, ”You are here. Nothing else matters. I've chased my past enough.”

_I am in the past._

Confused, Tony takes a step towards Steve. His lips quiver. Steve aches to know every part of him.

” _What?”_ Tony whispers: so light it's just a gust of air passing through his lips. ”Why are you suddenly here, all sweet on me? What is up with you? What happened in D.C.?”

_I changed._

Tears well up in Steve's eyes. He can't tell Tony, he _can't._ Tony notices something is wrong and his angered expression turns to worry.

”Steve?” he says. So softly. ”Talk to me.”

”No,” Steve chokes out, ”It's nothing.”

”Steve,” Tony insists and there's only one way to make him stop. Steve rushes forward and grabs Tony in his arms, crashing his lips against Tony’s in a searing kiss that makes butterflies explode in Steve's stomach. Tony tastes like heaven and he's so _warm_ under Steve's hands and lips _._

And he's pushing Steve away.

Steve expects to see disgust in Tony's eyes but he sees only confusion.

”Tony,” Steve says. That's all he can say, all he can _think_ about, these days. When Tony stays still, Steve swallows and continues, ”Please. I just had to be with you.”

”How- How did this happen?” Tony stutters out, his voice an octave higher. His fingers have come up to trace the remnants of the kiss on his lower lip. ” _When_ did this happen?”

”It happened,” Steve replies, ”It happened and it's all I have. _Please.”_

Steve – Steve doesn't even know what he's pleading for. A piece of Tony. Even a tiny one. He has already gotten more than he ever had before and it keeps him going.

”You can't just come here and expect to sweep me up in your arms. Shit- Steve, what's happening?”

Steve doesn't say anything, just stares at Tony who looks so beautiful in the morning light.

”I need to go. I need to think,” Tony mutters, carding his fingers through his already messy hair.

”Alright,” Steve says, ”I'll be here. Waiting.”

Tony leaves. Exhaling, Steve leans against the counter, staring at the cup of coffee Tony left behind. It’s Captain America mug, a gift from Maria Hill, if Steve recalls correctly.

Steve’s lips are burning. _A stolen kiss._

”Steve?” It's Natasha, standing unsure in the doorway, holding a bottle. Her hair sticks to the sheen of sweat on her face and neck.

”How much did you hear?” Steve asks, closing his eyes. He can't stand to look at another ghost.

”Enough,” Natasha admits, walking to the sink to fill the bottle. ”Sorry, didn't mean to eavesdrop.”

”It's fine,” Steve whispers.

Rubbing Steve's shoulder, Natasha assures, ”Give him time. I bet he's just confused.”

Steve nods.

 

\--

 

Tony is gone that evening, leaving Nat with a message that they needn't worry. Steve rings Pepper, who tells them Tony's on a business trip. Where, she doesn't say, reluctant to give out any information.

Steve trains and draws. He considers to leave to seek Bucky with Natasha and Sam, but he can't leave the tower.

_I'll be here._

Bruce comes to stay for a couple of days. It's nice to have company. Steve can only imagine how lonely Tony had felt, completely alone in the tower.

Captain America and the Hulk deal with a minor situation in Queens. Then, Bruce leaves. Thor arrives the day after, apologizing he wasn't there to help. Steve says it was nothing.

Thor is just about to get comfortable, settling in his room for a day or two, when Steve remembers.

_Thanos._

Steve tells Thor Nick Fury wants to speak with him, gives Thor all the needed information to find Fury. Soon, Thor is on his way.

One evening, Steve sits in his room, holding the time GPS in his hand. _Such a fragile thing,_ he thinks, tracing the bracelet with his fingers. He stares at it and sees Tony, speeding to the compound.

 _Let me guess_. _He turned into a baby, didn't he?_

He counts, one, two, three, four, five.

That's all it would take.

 

\--

 

When Tony finally returns, it doesn't happen without obstacles. Steve is in the lounge room, on the phone with Natasha, when he sees Iron Man landing outside on the platform. He watches as the suit opens – Steve misses Tony’s nanotech suit, how beautiful it had looked on Tony’s body – and Tony stumbles out, holding his side.

”Hold up, Nat,” Steve says urgently, ”I'll call you back later.” He disconnects the call and runs to meet up with Tony.

”What happened?” Steve asks, helping Tony onto a chair.

”Oh, nothing,” Tony groans, ”Just a minor, tiny disagreement.” When Steve frowns, Tony adds, ”Don't worry, Cap. It's under control.”

Steve tries to lift up Tony's shirt to see the damage, but Tony's quick hand grabs Steve's wrist. His eyes spit fire at Steve.

Their faces are only an inch apart. Tony's body trembles when Steve's fingers ghost over his thighs.

Then, Tony runs off to lick his wounds somewhere else. Probably the workshop. Steve leaves him be, knowing Tony wouldn't let him in either way. He retreats back to the couch, calls Natasha – no news – and then starts a drawing that quickly turns into a picture of Sam holding the Captain America shield.

A soft patting of feet snaps Steve out of his spiraling thoughts. He glances at the digital clock – time has ran by and it's nearly midnight.

Tony appears in his vision, handing Steve a cup of tea like a peace offering. Steve gladly accepts, putting the sketchbook aside. Tony sits on the coffee table in front of Steve and his eyes flicker to the book.

”Who's the little girl?” he asks, eyeing the unfinished sketch decorating the paper.

_Morgan._

”Just some little girl,” Steve mutters.

”Huh.”

Tony is trying to look anywhere but Steve's face. He looks good in his skin-tight black shirt that accentuates his figure.

”Did you have a nice trip?” Steve asks, taking a gulp of the tea. Tony has prepared it just how Steve likes it – sweet with honey.

As an answer, Steve receives a shrug. He drinks the tea and when he's about to stand up to take the cup into the kitchen, Tony interrupts the silence with a ”Why did you kiss me?”

That's an easy question to answer.

”Because I wanted to.”

”Why?”

”Tony, look at me."

To Steve's surprise, Tony does that. His eyes look vulnerable.

”I love you. I'm completely in love with you,” Steve confesses. It's like a huge weight has been lifted from his shoulders.

At first, Tony's face is blank. Then, there's disbelief and finally, the tiniest of smiles.

”You're unbelievable Cap, you know that?”

”I know. It's true,” Steve says, wanting nothing more than to hold Tony.

”You better not be kidding. Or Pepper and Rhodey will have to deal with your kneecaps, and there's this kid, Harley, who'll gladly join, I'm sure.”

Steve stands up and goes to Tony, letting his hands travel up Tony's sides. Tony shivers, eyes glistening with something – perhaps hope mixed with wonder.

”I'm not kidding,” Steve whispers into Tony's ear and Tony slumps against him. He nudges Steve's face with his chin, stubble scratching Steve's jawline.

Then, they're kissing. Languid, heated kisses that make Steve's whole body tingle to the tips of his toes. Their tongues meet and Tony pushes Steve, leads them to the couch. He climbs on top of Steve and Steve feels wild.

Tony's hands are underneath Steve's shirt, thumbs running over his abs. And Steve’s hands - they're _everywhere._ He wishes he could feel all of Tony at once as he runs his palms over Tony's arms, shoulders, back, ass, thighs…

With a gasp, Tony disconnects their lips. ”S- Steve,” he sighs, voice filled with raw desire.

Steve wastes no time – no, he's wasted that enough – and lifts Tony, carries him into Tony's bedroom with hurried steps. He's trying to remove Tony's shirt even before Tony hits the sheets.

There's ugly bruising on Tony's side. The same spot where he had been pierced in Steve's timeline. Steve hovers his lips there over Tony’s skin. He makes sure to kiss every scar he finds on Tony's body.

They make love a total of three times, until Tony's eyes a drooping shut.

”I love you so much,” Steve whispers against Tony's hairline, pulling him closer.

”Hmm,” Tony mumbles. The corners of his mouth turn upwards. A content smile. ”Maybe I love you a little, too.”

It's all that Steve wants.

As he caresses the face of the sleeping love of his life, free from all the worries, Steve remembers the grim place he has come from.

Tears flow on his face.

_You're five seconds away from losing him._

 

\--

 

There's no news of Bucky. Steve excepts none. Bucky will resurface when it's the time.

He still hasn't told Tony.

Not about the time travel – that will remain a secret forever, that the _real_ Captain America is dead.

No, Steve needs to tell Tony about his parents.

He finally does, and Tony is completely silent after that. The hurt in his eyes mirrors the hurt Steve had seen in Siberia. But Bucky isn't present and Steve doesn't have to choose.

Tony lets go off Steve's hand he had been holding in his lap. ”I need time to think,” he says glumly, ”I just wish you'd told me sooner, you know?”

”I'm so sorry,” Steve says to Tony's retreating back.

He sits alone in Tony's room – _their_ room – and draws. It's the only way to get the images out of his mind. The friends and allies he left behind. He sketches a picture of Stormbreaker, recalling how powerful he had felt wielding it.

He wonders if he could lift Mjölnir in this time.

Tony comes back two hours later, throws himself in Steve's arms.

”I- I tried to blame him, but I couldn't, in the end. He was just a brainwashed weapon to HYDRA. It – it wasn't _him_ him.”

Steve nods against Tony's shoulder. The future has been changed. The next thing Steve has to do is prevent Ultron. They have yet to receive the mission to retrieve Loki's scepter.

_The mind stone._

Tony's kiss takes Steve's thoughts away from the things to come. They kiss like they're each other's oxygen, Steve pulling Tony flush against him by his waist.

They kiss and kiss, until Tony lets out a yelp, taking a step back from Steve. Steve tries to following him, but Tony gestures towards the window, eyes wide.

When Steve turns around, he's not quite prepared for what he sees - it's Carol Danvers, floating in the air, arms crossed across her chest, a playful smirk on her face.

”What the hell?” Tony splutters. Steve knows he's about to call the Iron Man suit, so he raises his hand as a gesture for Tony to stop.

”Let her in. I know her,” he says to Tony.

”Alright,” Tony mutters, ”Like that makes sense… Jarvis?”

The window slides open and Carol enters the room gracefully.

”I'm Carol,” she says, ”I have to tell you, Nick didn't mention you two were involved.”

”Um,” Steve mumbles, rubbing the back of his head. He hadn't known Carol well, but had missed her as much as the others. She looks exactly the same as the day she appeared in the Avengers facility with wild eyes, demanding to know where Nick Fury was.

”Why are you looking at me all funny?” she confronts Steve.

”Wh- Who _are_ you?” Tony asks, stepping forward. ”Nick? As in Nick Fury? He's _alive?_ ”

”Yes,” Carol says to Tony and then turns back to Steve. ”He told me to let you know that Thanos is dead.”

A breath of utter relief escapes Steve's lips. He stumbles backwards until he's sitting on the bed.

”Are you sure?” he demands, ”Absolutely sure?”

”Yes,” Carol says, ”I was there. Thor cut his head off. He is dead. The Black Order are dead. His daughters – they have leaped side.”

”Both of them?”

”Both of them.”

”Wait,” Tony interrupts, ”Thanos who?”

Carol's eyes move from Steve to Tony. Then, she says, ”I have a family to visit. If you'll excuse me…”

She leaps out of the window, which Jarvis closes after her.

Now, Tony is facing Steve. ”I- What?” he asks.

Steve cries tears of relief, doesn't answer.

”Steve? Who's Miss Marvel over there? How can she _fly?_ And who's this Thanos?”

”Carol… Carol is a friend of Fury's,” Steve explains, pulling Tony closer to him. Tony comes willingly, landing on Steve's lap.

”Fury has _friends?”_ Tony frowns.

Steve can't help but chuckle, stroking Tony's face.

”And Thanos?”

”Don't worry about him,” Steve whispers against Tony's lips, ”He's gone, sweetheart. He's gone. You're safe.”

With the knowledge that the threat of someone taking Tony away from him is gone, Steve lies down on the mattress, pulling Tony with him. He's so happy he could burst. When his hands start to find their way underneath the waistband of Tony's sweatpants, Tony interrupts their kiss. ”I need a slightly better explanation. Later. Oh, and Jarvis? Close the blinds in case the flying wonder woman comes back.”

Steve grins and flips them over, swallowing the surprised sound Tony lets out by collapsing their lips together.

Thanos is gone. He has Tony, his team, and Bucky, eventually.

As five seconds crawl past.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!!
> 
> [my tumblr](http://tonvrogers.tumblr.com)


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